Make Them Talk

By: Saradha Shankar

Silence is not golden, neither is speech silver. Sometimes, speech is golden and silence is poison.

Speech/talking is an essential component of living, just as reading, writing and arithmetic. I am not talking here of professional speech of a lawyer, teacher, politician, a motivational or religious speaker.  I am just drawing the attention of readers to ordinary meaningless prattle of children.

It is too sad that parents and teachers profile some children as very quiet, introvert and withdrawn very early in their lives. It may be true of some children but in order to not only survive but also succeed, children need to talk.

Parents have to create conducive environs for children to open up. Why are some children unusually quiet? It is because, the family members are mostly quiet. They do their work, discuss only “sensible ‘things, watch TV, go outdoors all in silence. There is very little to talk in presence of children. Some parents are constant in argumentative mode, hence they think it is better to keep quiet than expose children to disagreements. Actually arguments and disagreements are not fights. They are simply different perspective to an issue. Only derision and use of abusive language should be avoided.

Parents need to change this ambience at home. A relaxed environment where everyone can be at ease and speak their mind is very important. Parents need to converse between them and among other members of the family more often. A child will naturally pick up this habit of talking.  A child may also be coaxed to talk about his day, his/her experiences, give his/her opinions and just talk gibberish. There are children who are garrulous by nature but the parents cut them short, thinking they are too noisy and talkative and it is not elegant.  Some parents like the talk to veer around ‘meaningful’ and ‘productive’ topics only. If this is done continuously, the child gets the cue and stops talking. Even when the parent talks about academics, it revolves more about his/her lapses and less about his/her achievements. Hence the child avoids talking and prefers silence. Who wants to be told that he/ she is no good? One more reason why parents stifle children’s voices is that they are poor at conflict resolution and lack patience at answering questions. The easiest thing that they can do is to shut the children up.

Silence can be bad for the mental health of the child in the long run. Pent up fears, sadness, frustration and anger can be explosive at some point in their lives. They may direct their bottled up emotions in wrong places and people and do not know to deal with them. Sometimes, People tend to take silent people for granted. Silent kids are generally invisible. They tend to be overlooked and their feelings ignored. They may not get what is rightfully their right. Their talent may go unnoticed and they cannot showcase their skills or abilities. As they grow up, they may view the world as unkind, unfair and out to victimize them. They should not become cindrellas waiting for someone to transform their lives. Hence parents, please encourage them to talk.

Let the children voice their experiences, feelings more often. Their opinions matter, because parents can see their view of the world, events and people. Talking trains them to express their needs because the world only gives to people who want to receive. They will learn to say NO, when they feel that they are being unfairly treated. They will speak up for themselves fearlessly. They will not compromise or adjust with regard to their ambitions, because they are unafraid to talk. They will not wallow in self- pity or helplessness, because they can confront anyone with their opinions. It gives them immense confidence. They will become assertive persons managing their interests well.

Let them vocalize their excitement, wonderment at little things in life- the chirping birds, the amazing animals, the gurgling water, the magnificent mountains, the kaleidoscopic sky, the sailing clouds, the imposing trees, the little sapling and the myriad hues of flowers. The admiration and joy they derive go a long way to make their childhood cheerful. This will go a long way to make them happy adults and they have always something to rejoice about.

Developing communication early in life makes them affable and sociable. They can strike a conversation faster and they are organically comfortable with most and even with new places and groups. They can survive well even in adverse conditions, because they can find help and scramble through.

If a parent has missed the bus, it is never too late. Life always gives a second chance. Gatecrash into your child’s world and become part of it. Do not carry your parental scholarship, worries or expectations for the time being.  Be inquisitive about his life, his interest, his skills and evince a genuine interest in them. . May be a video game or cartoon can be the ice breaker.  Expand his ken of experiences, interest and your partnership with him   and most importantly give time. Years of omissions cannot be offset by one –off attempt.

Where do we have time for all these? I can hear the parents’ mind voice. Elimination of trivial matters and prioritizing your child’s life is the simple cue to this time management problem.

Parenting is unlearning and relearning to help your child blossom and shine.